Infidelity

This week I cheated on my dog.

It's strange.  I went running without him.  Had good reasons ... it was in the 90's and he just can't tolerate that.  Not that he understands.  I've often joked that if you could hear Jax's thoughts, it would be white noise.  But he damned well knew I was going running.  It's the gear.  He recognizes running gear and starts to get fired up when it comes out.  So he was doing his typical running around the house, spinning in place, freaking out .... we're going running, we're going running, we're going running!

And then I stepped out without him.  I could see him through the glass.  He looked like I'd just kicked him square in the nuts.  Tail down and this faint look of confusion and betrayal.  I could hear his thoughts quite clearly that afternoon ... "Don't you love me anymore?"  (My wife tells me he spent the rest of the day in the bathroom sitting alone in the dark.)  So yeah ... I cheated on my dog.

I felt horrible.  As far as Jax was concerned, my going running and not taking him was the height of betrayal.  Frankly, I don't want to run without him.  This particular jaunt was with Tom Guggina, and old friend and running buddy.  I drove down to Pisgah State Park in NH and met him there.  Tom and I used to run together in residency, but then I had the poor sense to move 1000 miles away.  Returning to the North East running with Tom is something of a homecoming, then.  A big part of who I am developed out here.  I miss those days, and to some degree, I expect that I'm trying to recapture them.  I had about half a dozen friends that I could call and hit the trails with.  My running is something of a spiritual thing for me, but that doesn't mean that it's better when I'm alone.  Quite often it's not.  Many things in life are better when shared.  I think it's the same for cruising over the ridge-lines in the early morning light.  Experience somehow holds more meaning when there's another soul sharing.  Not surprisingly, Jax fills that void for me these days.  Jax doesn't hold me to a schedule, though ... which is not a great thing.  So I need people, too.

So Jax and I made it out yesterday morning.  It was a bit of a spontaneous break-out.  Temps here have been in the 90's for nearly a week.  Runnable, but not conducive to any real distance and often a good deal less enjoyable.  I had worked the overnight and when I stepped out in the morning it was under 70.  So off we went.  As the day wore on over our 15 miles, it got hot, and the terrain was pretty rough.  Now both Jax and I are limping.  I'm certain that he's much happier for having gone, but I think it may have torn up his feet.  So I worry and doubt and fret for him and myself, as is the nature of an unoccupied mind I suppose ... but that is a topic for another day.